you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
