Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
