I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
