you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
