I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
