Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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