he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
