i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
