i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
