How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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