he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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