i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
