The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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