his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
