Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
