dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
