my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
