I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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