Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
