Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
