Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
