The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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