So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
