butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
