is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The uberlube is also flammable
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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