my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
