fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
