I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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