I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
