you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
