I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
