So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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