i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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