I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
