My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
