the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
