i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
