Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
