I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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