fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
