Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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