i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I want is dick and wine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
