So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
