i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
