I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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