K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
