nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
