I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
