and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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