you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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