Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
