I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
