I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
